tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5891553.post110445744569310826..comments2023-08-06T05:21:30.799-05:00Comments on The End Zone: Griefgcotharnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10912428161978690599noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5891553.post-1105690202562072852005-01-14T02:10:00.000-06:002005-01-14T02:10:00.000-06:00My heart goes out to you.My heart goes out to you.gcotharnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10912428161978690599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5891553.post-1105602996078037212005-01-13T01:56:00.000-06:002005-01-13T01:56:00.000-06:00Yes, there are groups, or more specifcally, one: T...Yes, there are groups, or more specifcally, one: The Compassionate Friends. I was with them for the first two years after my son died.<br /><br />They are great, but for me, I could not stay. The "incoming wounded" of parents, usually moms like me, kept the initial agony too much alive. But, thank goodness for those who can stick around at TCF or no one would be there when folks like me need them.<br /><br />The biggest obstacle I found was family, friends and assorted others who feel so uncomfortable that they marginalize you. Really, it was awful, since I was working with a good friend in a business I cared about, and when my life was halted by the death of my child, he was not up to dealing with my changed affect. The pressure I felt to be "over it" was intense, and did me in, in a real way. That business relationship was just another loss, as was the friendship.<br /><br />And my marriage ended at the same time, the death of the child being a catalyst, which is not uncommon. Truly, my life, personal and professional, was destroyed.<br /><br />I'm rebuilding very slowly. But as I said, the spectre of death hangs over my every thought now, and it never did before(was 41 then, am 48 now). It was not just the loss -- enormous, tho it was -- but that my spouse 6 weeks later left me for another who was not associated with the horror(other complications, but not sure I should get into it, except to say I thought we had weathered them) and my friend were so alienated by my change from "life of the party" to serious woman in grief. Trust is hard for me now. <br /><br />But I'm anonymous. You hear only my side. This is why I don't like to discuss it. I won't defend myself, and I only give one side. You or anyone must wonder about the other side, and I cannot go there.<br /><br />Whatever else is true, death of a child can ruin lives.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5891553.post-1104990966031555052005-01-05T23:56:00.000-06:002005-01-05T23:56:00.000-06:00My heart goes out to you. I cannot relate to the ...My heart goes out to you. I cannot relate to the hugeness of your pain, but I clearly see myself in your what you said. <br /><br />Reading your comment makes me think that there are probably groups of grieving and recovering people who meet to support each other. I'm going to look into that, though it will be a bit embarrassing: <br /><br />"Me, oh, I had a traumatic experience when I was 5 years old... No, no one died. I just, um, I just got really upset!"<br /><br />I'm reading "The Purpose Driven Life", which heavily emphasizes that this world is not our home. This life is merely the warm-up lap for the eternal home God is preparing for us. That is comforting, though I'm wondering how spartan or how elaborate God intends that warm-up lap to be!? I'll be blogging about that for sure.<br /><br />Also, I just read a fabulous post by The Anchoress. Her brother is dying, and she writes about God's purpose in allowing suffering for her brother and her family, and the things they have gained from it. I'll be blogging about that post also: http://theanchoress.blogspot.com/2005/01/tsunami-cannot-be-drawn-in-pastels.html<br /><br />God bless. If you ever want to email me, my address is at the top of the blog.gcotharnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10912428161978690599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5891553.post-1104977291919711602005-01-05T20:08:00.000-06:002005-01-05T20:08:00.000-06:00Your post touches on things too raw for me to disc...Your post touches on things too raw for me to discuss in any detail. I lost a son in a car accident almost 8 yrs ago. My life fell apart shortly thereafter, and since then I've been morbidly obsessed with the reality of death and dying, and the overwhelming feeling that I'm just biding my time until it is my time. And the reality that my other children will also someday die, no matter what I do, is too much to bear. Death has become my greatest reality, and it is intefering with my ability to live will I still may.<br /><br />I can't say more, but I wanted you to know someone was deeply impacted by what you wrote.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com