Monday, November 17, 2003

The Wookie Defense


Johnnie Cochran made a court appearance in a famous Southpark episode. He was losing his case. So, in his closing argument, Cochran pulled out his secret weapon: the "Wookie Defense." When plaintiff's attorney saw the "Wookie Defense" coming, he buried his head in his hands.

Cochran unrolled a huge picture of Chewbaka. I'll get some details wrong, but this is close what he said:

"Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chewbaka. Chewbaka is a Wookie from the planet Enduron. But Chewbaka lives with a bunch of Ewoks on the planet Endor. Why would an 8' tall Wookie live with a bunch of Ewoks on a different planet? Does that make sense?

That does not make sense. Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, does it make sense that Chewbaka would live on Endor?

It does not make sense!

This case does not make sense!

How can my client be guilty if Chewbaka is livin on Endor with a bunch of Ewoks? It does not make sense! If Chewbaka lives on Endor you must acquit! Thank you."

Of course, Cochran won an acquittal, countersued, and won millions of dollars from Chef. Chef decided to gigolo himself out to raise funds to pay the lawsuit. The children tried to raise funds by selling baked goods to Chef's old music industry friends, and we learned that Chef inspired Meat Loaf to ditch his previous performing name: Cous Cous. But that's another story.