At Jacob's final basketball game

Gary is in charge of the concession stand for the season, but has not successfully recruited other basketball parents to take their turns selling concessions, and thus has spent the season working most every game himself.

photos courtesy El Duke Degreaser

Last night, in the big rivalry game to finish the season: Grand Prairie vs. South Grand Prairie, Gary and two Moms were swamped at halftime; trying to wait on scores of people. So, I jumped into the concession stand, with the idea that I could help the halftime crunch, then Gary could go and watch the 3rd quarter of the game, and I would work for him.


Didn't work out. Gary never did leave the concession stand, due to continuous big business in the Hot Cheetos and cheese concession market. We sold almost everything we had; ran out of many items: pickles, popcorn, Coke, Dr. Pepper, Sprite, about 5 Gatorade flavors, M&Ms, Snickers. The biggest crowd of the year slammed us like tsunami waves. Near the end, we were down to Water, Root Beer, Milky Way bars, and our gigantic supply of Hot Cheetos and cheese, the #1 favorite concession item amongst Grand Prairie high school students this year. And thank goodness. As long as we had Hot Cheetos and cheese (and we did!), we were able to prevent the concession crowd from rioting.

I'm so behind the times: I didn't even know what Hot Cheetos were until I served an order of them last night. They look horrifying. Worse, the damage they do to a human body must be immense - and concession "cheese" only makes it worse. You'd have to be age 16 to have the metabolism to burn it off.

The item is served by tearing off the top of an individual package, ladling concession cheese down into the package and atop the Hot Cheetos, then tossing in a plastic spoon. That'll be $1.00, please. We sold this stuff like it was crack. We sold it like it was vodka and the entire crowd were Russians. Dollars were flying at us; Hot Cheetos and cheese were flying out.


We served the 2 ounce bag. Per ounce, these things have 170 calories and 14 grams carbs and 11 grams fat. Thus, our bags began with 340 calories, 28 grams carbs and 22 grams fat ... and THEN we ladled concession cheese into it. Yikes. And these were small individual sized bags ... packing, with cheese, approx 500 calories.


I learned that basketball parents sell concessions and simultaneously watch the game. Sounds like this:

"That'll be $2.25, plea - THATS A FOUL, REF! (turning to other concession parents) Didjouguys see that call?"

One other concession parent nods yes.


Soccer parents and basketball parents tend to be hard on the kids on their own team. From the concession stand, sounds like this:

"That'll be $2.25, plea - PASS THE BALL! Dang it that kid drives me crazy. Selfish little .... (thought trails off into thin air, mercifully unspoken)."

And that was a concession Mom talking. A vicious basketball Mom. Do not mess with. Do. Not. Oh, and pass the ball - to her son - if you want to see your senior year. Seriously.

So, Jacob's high school basketball career is over, and Gary and I missed the last 16 minutes of it to sell Hot Cheetos and cheese ...

"...and we've some root beer to wash that down with, young lady. And please say 'please' when you order, cause I'm a cantankerous concessionaire that way."
"What's a concesson air?"
"Me. I'm a con-ces-sion-aire who sells Hot Cheetos in a con-ces-sion stand."
"Oh."