Thursday, February 11, 2010

My family never yelled at referees

But my cousins, who lived 6 houses down, were not shy about yelling at referees. Especially the oldest, Gary. And Gary married a girl, Martha, who wasn't shy about yelling at referees. And they have two daughters, Kathleen, senior in h/s, and Taylor, just graduated from college, who are not shy about yelling at referees.

Gary's younger sister, Patti, is not a shy person, but is sort of quiet. She'll never be the person who talks too much or too loudly at a party.

We all converged on cousin Jacob's basketball game on Tuesday night.

Jacob is the Gopher in blue ===>
He's about to Gopher 2, and 1.
See what I did there?
That's why you come to this blog!

Patti played basketball in high school, and spent 4 years watching her son play high school basketball - including playing his Senior year on a team which made it all the way to the State Championship Game. No small feat, that. Patti hadn't been inside a basketball gym since her son graduated 3 years ago.

One minute into Jacob's game, an opposing player hits the floor, referee blows whistle, my quiet cousin Patti exclaims, with feeling "That's a flop!" So, 3 years away from the gym didn't matter: like riding a bike, Patti was immediately back in the groove.

I love to listen to Kathleen and Taylor heckle. Kathleen unconsciously heckles in 4 and 5 syllable words. That's her normal vocabulary, so that's what she uses to heckle. I always tell her: "Kathleen, those referees don't understand those 5 syllable words. Tone it down to 1 and 2 syllable words." She will yell stuff like this at the referees: "Did you get your certification online?!" or "Do you have macular degeneration?!"

Taylor becomes angry at unfair or ungraceful behavior. She will yell "Number 4! THAT. IS. RUDE! Someone needs to tell you that is RUDE behavior! Ref! How long are you going to let that rude behavior go on?!"

Patti, basketball expert that she is, focused on informing the refs of more technical aspects of their performance: "That was all ball!" and "You had no angle! There's no way you could see that!"

After the game, Martha and Taylor and Patti broke down the opposing players thusly: "Number 22 was a flopper, and God hates a flopper. Number 4 was rude. And Number 14 was just nasty." Probably the best scouting report ever.


Southern Brother said...

That's funny right there...I don't care who you are!

gcotharn said...

I thought so, too. All my girl cousins cracked me up - in the best way.