Impossibly square blogger fisks Kid Rock

's testosterone-run-amuck hit song: Cowboy.

I dedicate this to my recently deceased friend, Rik O'Rand, who was the lead singer in a Journey tribute band. I just heard, yesterday, of his death. I grieve. My heart is heavy.

When I played golf, I walked quite a few golf courses with Rik. He was a good golf partner, and a good friend. He would've enjoyed - as we waited on a tee box, for someone to clear the fairway ahead of us - he would've enjoyed joshing about Kid Rock lyrics.

When I first began playing golf with Rik, I still sometimes fudged my scores. Rik never, ever did that - under any circumstances. He inspired me to integrity, and to honor, and to the richness of life to be found there.

Cowboy, by Kid Rock

Cowboy...cowboy...
Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills, chill like Flynt
Buy an old droptop, find a spot to pimp
Then I'm a Kid Rock it up and down your block
With a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch

You live on an interesting block

Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' chillin' the most
Then rock that bitch up and down the coast

fun lyric, that

Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars

bad idea

Zip to Tijuana, I wanna roam

Tijuana also = bad idea

Find motown and tell them fools come back home

interpretation: round up my Motown crew, which is drunk and scattered all over Tijuana, and get them back across the border to the U.S. ... I predict crew attrition.

Start an escort service, for all the right reasons

what are the right reasons? a healthcare plan for the girls? profit?

And set up shop at the top of Four Seasons

the hotel will look the other way while you conduct business - why wouldn't they?

Kid Rock and I'm the real McCoy
And I'm headin' out west sucker...because I wanna be a
Cowboy, baby

Everyone wants to be a Dallas Cowboy

With the top let back and the sunshine shining

through the hole in the Texas Stadium roof

Cowboy baby
West coast chillin' with the Boone's Wine

undrinkable idea

I wanna be a cowboy baby

no, I want to be a Cowboy QB, not a Cowboy baby

Ridin' at night 'cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away

I bet you'll hear my whistle blowin' when my train rolls in
It goes (whistle) like dust in the wind

"like dust in the wind" is one of those illogical lyrics a writer reaches for out of desperation to find something to rhyme. I love those out of place, illogical lyrics.

Stoned pimp, stoned freak, stoned out of my mind

again: bad idea

I once was lost, but now I'm just blind

call 911

Palm trees and weeds, scabbed knees and rights

rights?? fights? Again, a desperation reach to rhyme something with "Fleiss"

Get a map to the stars, find Heidi Fleiss
And if the price is right then I'm gonna make my bid, boy
And let Cali-for-ny-aye know why they call me
Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy baby
West coast chillin' with the Boone's Wine
I wanna be a Cowboy baby
Ridin' at night 'cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away

Yeah...Kid Rock...you can call me Tex

"Tex" you are not.

Rollin' Sunset Blvd with a bottle of Becks

Becks! Finally: an action of which I approve

Seen a slimmy in a 'vette, rolled down my glass
And said, [radio edit]
No kiddin', gun slingin', spurs hittin' the floor
Call me Hoss, I'm the Boss, with the sauce n' the whores

This also seems an unhealthy idea. Am I the only one who keeps noticing unhealthy ideas?

No remorse for the sheriff, in his eyes I ain't right
I'm a paint his town red, then paint his wife white HUH

Playin to the demographic..

Cause chaos, rock like Amadeus
Find West Coast pussy for my Detroit players
Mack like mayors, ball like Lakers
They told us to leave, but bet they can't make us

all together now: BAD IDEA!

Why they wanna pick on me...lock me up and snort away my key

Because you were failing to follow police instructions only a couple of verses back! Sheesh.

I ain't no G, I'm just a regular failure

Well, if you are provoking police, then: yeah.

I ain't straight outta Compton I'm straight outta the trailer

heh

Cuss like a sailor...drink like a Mick

Mantle? true dat

My only words of wisdom are just [radio edit]
I'm flickin' my Bic up and down that coast and
Keep on truckin' until it falls into motion

Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
Spend all my time at Hollywood and Vine
Cowboy
Ridin' at night 'cause I sleep all day
Cowboy
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
Hollywood and Vine