Monday, June 22, 2009

Baseball Ensures American Rock Chunking Supremacy Over Non-Baseball Nations

Heartening video. At the end, 35 or so members of Iranian government security forces break and run away from the crowd in fear. The people win!

Before the people win, we see 2 minutes of a rock chunking contest between government forces and protesters. Who knew dodgeball was training for real life? We've got to get it back into PE.

And here's where we see that baseball is America's secret weapon: baseball ensures American rock chunking supremacy over all non-baseball nations of the world.

Iranian protesters are brave and motivated, yet their form is lacking. Their balance is poor: thus their accuracy is compromised. They consistently fail to use their lower body to generate leverage and rotational whip: thus their velocity is compromised, plus they risk injury - to their shoulder, especially. An injured rock chunker is a useless rock chunker.

Below, the Oklahoma City Ambassadors (in gold) high school aged baseball team. The man leading the prayer is a friend I knew in college: Lee Tunnell. Pick a praying kid from this photo and fill his pockets with rocks. America could send any kid in this photo to Tehran

along with softball superstar and Texas legend Cat Osterman

and my 10 year old nephew

and a random Oklahoman such as Carrie Underwood

and this elite 4 person American Special Forces Team could rock chunk any 35 Iranian security guys off of any Tehran street. Facts is facts.

Above: Cat Osterman says
"Get off my street, or my 10 year old friend will re-launch!"


Dusty Chris said...

I think my 12 year old son would help as well.

Paul Gordon said...

I remember reading, a LOOOONG time ago, that during WW2 the Army experimented with a grenade about the size, shape and weight of a baseball (hardball?), on the theory that most of their soldiers had experience with baseball and should be accurate with it.

It was designed to arm itself in flight.

The story goes that it was to be demonstrated by a baseball pitcher who, when he was walking to his position, instinctively tossed it up into the air to catch it, with a MOST unfortunate result.

After THAT, the Army dropped the idea.

It SOUNDS like an urban legend, but I think the source was former OSS scientist Dr. Stanley Lovell, in his book "Of Spies and Strategems", about his experiences in the OSS.


InternetFred said...

Just don't go to war against the Dominican Republic. Or for that matter, Cuba.

If fact, the US has been in both places...

gcotharn said...

Dusty -
Could an army of nephews could basically take Tehran? including the Presidential Palace? I'm saying yes.

Paul -
LOL. Okay, I'm saying the story is only 10% likely to be true. Yet, I love the way it incorporates subconscious/unconscious human nature, i.e. tossing the ball/grenade into the air without thinking. I will be retelling this one. Thanks.

Human subconscious action reminds of watching Rangers SS Elvis Andrus make a spectacular full speed catch and throw of a grounder up the middle: two steps prior to the catch, amidst full speed flight and concentration on the ball, Andrus unconsciously tapped his free hand fist into his glove.

gcotharn said...

Internet Fred -
You are right. I thought about that. This is an area where Latin American could put a hurtin on the U.S.A. Also Japan, Korea, Taiwan.