Saturday, July 11, 2009

My Expectations for Texas Rangers Pitcher Tommy Hunter

In his 4 major league starts this season, Tommy Hunter has given up: 3 runs, then 2 runs, then 1 run, then 0 runs.

I expect his next step will be to give up 0 runs in 7 innings instead of tonight's 6 innings,
then 0 runs in 8 innings,
then 0 runs in 9 innings.

Thereafter, I expect complete game shutouts which will include Tommy Hunter himself hitting homers:

first a solo homer in each game,
then a two run homer in each game,
et al

Once he reaches complete game shutouts which include him personally htting 4 Grand Slam HR's, I expect Pitcher Tommy Hunter to:

begin increasing his defensive assists,
then begin increasing his "1 Unassisted" put outs,
then begin increasing his strike-outs.

Beyond that, I expect Tommy Hunter to:

begin selling concessions during his pitching performances, followed by
beginning to personally prepare concessions, followed by
using napkins to wipe stray nacho cheese from the faces of fans.

At some point, I expect Tommy Hunter to:

begin transporting busloads of sweet old ladies (sweet, only) to the ballpark to watch him pitch;
then begin transporting cancer kids to the ballpark;
then dome the stadium and install A/C, for the comfort of sweet old ladies and cancer kids.

Oh, and be a role model! Ballplayers are so rarely role models these days...

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